How to talk with someone who votes differently

Start from what you share

You both want the kid in front of you to learn. Say that first. In two randomized experiments, strangers from opposing parties who talked about their "perfect day" disliked the other party less; conversations about why each supports their own party had no effect. The warmth faded by a 3-month follow-up pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.

Try it: "Before we get into it, what do you want school to do for your kids?"

Ask before you tell

In a 2016 field experiment with 501 voters in South Florida, roughly 10-minute conversations that asked people to take another person's perspective reduced prejudice for at least 3 months ocf.berkeley.edu. A later study found that asking the other person about their own experiences, on its own, durably reduced exclusionary attitudes; we read that study in abstract only isps.yale.edu.

Try it: "What did you see in your kid's school this year?"

Listen like you mean it

In four laboratory experiments, speakers who were heard by listeners "characterized by empathy and a non-judgmental approach" reported less defensiveness and less extreme attitudes cris.huji.ac.il. These were lab experiments, read in abstract.

Try it: say back what you heard before you answer.

Trade real stories

In three field experiments with 6,869 voters, conversations built on arguments alone had no effect, while the same conversations with a "non-judgmental exchange of narratives" changed attitudes for at least four months. The effects were small escholarship.org.

Try it: "Can I tell you why this matters to me?" Then ask for theirs.

Find the value behind the view

Across six studies, Matthew Feinberg and Robb Willer found that people on both sides tend to argue from their own moral values, and that arguments framed around the listener's values were typically more effective sdimakis.github.io.

Try it: "What matters most to you here: fairness, freedom, safety, tradition?"

Check what you think they believe

Democrats and Republicans overestimated the other side's support for political violence by 245% to 442%, and a short factual correction reduced people's own support for it pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. In a 2018 survey, Republicans estimated that 54% of Democrats are proud to be American; the real figure was 82% perceptiongap.us.

Try it: "What do you think people on my side believe about AI in school?" Then answer honestly.

More on each study, with its limits: How to talk about politics again, according to the research.

Sources

1. Erik Santoro and David E. Broockman, "The promise and pitfalls of cross-partisan conversations for reducing affective polarization: Evidence from randomized experiments," Science Advances 8(25), 2022. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
2. David Broockman and Joshua Kalla, "Durably reducing transphobia: A field experiment on door-to-door canvassing," Science 352(6282), 2016. ocf.berkeley.edu
3. Joshua L. Kalla and David E. Broockman, "Which Narrative Strategies Durably Reduce Prejudice?" American Journal of Political Science, 2021 (abstract). isps.yale.edu
4. Guy Itzchakov, Avraham N. Kluger and Dotan R. Castro, "I Am Aware of My Inconsistencies but Can Tolerate Them," Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 43(1), 2017 (abstract). cris.huji.ac.il
5. Joshua L. Kalla and David E. Broockman, "Reducing exclusionary attitudes through interpersonal conversation: evidence from three field experiments," American Political Science Review 114(2), 2020. escholarship.org
6. Matthew Feinberg and Robb Willer, "From Gulf to Bridge: When Do Moral Arguments Facilitate Political Influence?" Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 41(12), 2015. sdimakis.github.io
7. Joseph S. Mernyk, Sophia L. Pink, James N. Druckman and Robb Willer, "Correcting inaccurate metaperceptions reduces Americans' support for partisan violence," PNAS 119(16), 2022. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
8. Daniel Yudkin, Stephen Hawkins and Tim Dixon, The Perception Gap, More in Common, 2019 (survey November 7 to 10, 2018, N=2,100). perceptiongap.us

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